#odd

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley).
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— Jarod Kintz

#cats #choreography #dance #dancing #day

We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars).
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #fun-absurd #funny #horses #humor

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
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— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

My uncle was always trying to staple rodents and small mammals to my torso when I was growing up. He’d always say, “Come on, this will put hair on your chest.” No, thanks, I’d say. I’ll stick to super-gluing wigs across my pecks. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #odd #strange #surreal

I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gasoline #odd #waitress #funny

Life is too short to dance with ugly men ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #so-true #funny

If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side ↗

— Christina Dodd

#funny #scottish #funny

I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange