#off

Life would be better if the Leafs would make the playoffs. Life would be perfect if they’d win the Stanley Cup. ↗

— Tom Earle

#playoffs #sports #stanley-cup #life

If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#label #labels #love #milk #nonsense

Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#emotions #guarantee #invalid #invisibility #invisible-cloak

Honey, no offense, but sometimes I think I could shoot you and watch you kick. ↗

— Raymond Carver

#intimacy #joke #kick #love #offense

It's over," Keelie said. Too bad. But I want you to know, I will always love you." She narrowed her eyes and said, "When you look at me and say that, are you thinking of Dolly Parton or Whitney Houston?" Burt Reynolds," he said. She nearly spit out her coffee when she laughed, then she said, "That almost makes me want to try again. ↗

— Becky Cochrane

#coffee #dolly-parton #laughed #love #over

I am the Captain of my own life. ↗

— Lexis De Rothschild

#fiction #humor #novella #offbeat #page-turner

I'm thankful because I'm still alive. I'm thankful because I lived the mantra, Only The Strong Survive. I'm thankful because I have Chris Ann. And that has made all the difference. And it always will. It always gets better. I told you so... ↗

— Jamie Schoffman

#jamie-schoffman #not-all-out-of-love #strong #thankful #love

I "love" reading. It makes me feel like I am swallowing up Christ, Homer, Confucius, Newton, Franklin, Socrates, Caesar, and the whole world into one gigantic invincible Sir Moffat. Mine is creative reading. I read building empires in mind. I pray I won't read and read and forget to marry. ↗

— Moffat Machingura

#caeser #christ #christianity #confucius #consume

...this refinement and delicacy were what Cale adored; but Cale had been beaten into shape, hammered in dreadful fires of fear and pain. How could she be with him for long? A secret part of Arbell had been searching for some time for a way to leave her lover—although she was unaware of this, it is only fair to record. And so as Cale waited for her to save him while he worked out a way of saving her, she had already chosen the bitter but reasonable path of the good, of the many over the one... ↗

— Paul Hoffman

#arbell #bad #beat #bitter #cale

It is not against reason, said the Englishman, to prefer the destruction of the world to a scratch on your finger – how much easier to understand the same price for the gash in your soul. ↗

— Paul Hoffman

#cale #destruction #easier #easy #english-quote