#ok

The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #quit #smoking #thinking #funny

I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #life #lifetime #read

Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—” “Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?” “No!” “Me neither,” Leo admitted. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-i-love-you-ok #lol #trust #funny

Come on," I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#funny #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #funny

Xxxx xxxx x xxxx, xxxxx xxx x xxx xxx x xxxx. Xxxx xxxx xxxx x xxxxx xxxx xx Xxxxxxx. ↗

— Pseudonymous Bosch

#funny #humor #nonsense #pseudonymous #the-name-of-this-book-is-secret

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attempted-murder #authorities #choke #choking #crime

CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #humor #funny

I want to be in the Guinness Book of World Record’s for something ridiculous like juggling poison-tipped porcupines, playing the piano blindfolded while tightrope walking in tights, or throwing a rubber ball in a circular rim adorned with a dangling white nylon net. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #guinness-book-of-world-records #piano #funny

Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly, Laugh Insanely, Love Truly, And Live With Passion. ↗

— Andy Vogt

#erotic-massage #humor #massage #mysteries #paperbacks

There are too many books, so I’m writing one that’s flame resistant. I’m putting it on the shelf of my next job. My current job is as a librarian, which is the perfect position for an arsonist. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny