#om

Look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, it's not my fault your son jumped out a dorm room window on Christmas eve. I've written over fifty books as a Columbia professor, all right? You don't do that by holding hands with every at-risk undergraduate who says he's homesick, or he's turning gay, or the dog ate his term paper. I write about Lincoln, and freedom, and great ideas. I don't always have time for students. It's like Dean Martin used to say: if you want to talk, go to a priest. Hey -- what's the gun for? ↗

— Eric Foner

#humor #freedom

I am sorry the only outlet for her troubled mind was in clumsy foreplay with an inadequate partner." He threw the rest of her sandwich at the swinging door as she passed through it. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#insults #men-and-women #relationships #humor

The human race is all the same when it comes to romantic relations,' said the Major. 'A startling absence of impulse control combined with complete myopia. ↗

— Helen Simonson

#humor #love #romance #humor

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing ↗

— Skye Daphne

#humor #insperational-story #romance #science-fiction #humor

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced? ↗

— Leia Shaw

#paranormal-romance #humor

You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha ↗

— Sitta Karina

#comedy #humor #humor

He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does he have in there? (Amy's thoughts, The Witching Pen) ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#dianna-hardy #humor #humorous #paranormal-romance #the-witching-pen

Sirus let his gaze drop and linger over the fine lines of Grey’s body that no amount of winter clothing could hide, and he cursed under his breath at the waste of such a thing of perfection attached to such an asshole of a person. ↗

— Cameron Dane

#humor #humor

I thought about the difference between a mama's girl and a daddy's girl. I decided that a daughter who belongs to her daddy expects gifts, while a daughter who belongs to her mama expects a lot more. Not from her mama. From herself. ↗

— Victoria Bond

#wisdom #humor

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table. ↗

— Stendhal

#companionship #humor #trust #humor