#or

It was probably easier in the old days when the bad guys rode into town wearing black capes or whatever bad guys wore and the milk cows were ownded by honest people. Right off the bat, you'd know who you were dealing with. Now everybody dresses alike. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#sad-but-true #humor

If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days. ↗

— M. Leighton

#humor

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary numerals, and those who don't. ↗

— Ian Stewart

#computers #humor #humor

Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes... ↗

— Helen Fielding

#parents #humor

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #philosophy #humor

What in the name of Voldy’s pasty-white rear end was that? ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#expletives #humor #humor

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #humor

Dont you know... I'm the boggyman."-St. Dane ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

I was safe. Uncomfortable as hell, but safe.-Bobby, RR ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

They'll be fine," Wickersham said. "Practice makes perfect." I had to ask. "You practice running away?" "We knew we'd make enemies. Other organizations have fire drills; we have oh-shit-someone-found-our-ass drills. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#scott-westerfeld #humor