#or

I’ve been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this. ↗

— Robert Stone

#humor

I think we have different value systems." —Arthur "Well mine's better." —Ford ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science #scifi #humor

You know where we got stuck? We were looking for faithfull, loving and perfect relationships-males who were always glad to see us." "So?" "We already have that!" "What do you mean?" "We've got dogs! ↗

— Joan Bauer

#humor #peeled #humor

It's not wrong to hustle hustlers. It's like killing murderers, a public service. -Damon Salvatore ↗

— L.J. Smith

#damon-salvatore #diaries #elena #elena-gilbert #gilbert

The most incomprehensible thing in the world to a man, is a woman who rejects his offer of marriage! ↗

— Jane Austen

#love #marriage #humor

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here. ↗

— Alan Rickman

#comedy #humor #humor

Can you believe the man rhymed 'Rumplestiltskin' with 'crumpled napkins'? ↗

— Christopher Healy

#rhyme #humor

You don't have to hide your natural inclination to boss me around. I want you to feel comfortable with me, Edwart. To the point of domination." "Okay, okay." He took a deep breath and pointed at me. "You," he said stiffly, the words flowing straight from some primordial, bossy wordbank. "Come to the place where you want to go, which, hopefully, is my car, where I will be, God willing. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#humor

Are you using that handbag that has the word fuck written all over it again? I warned you about taking that out in public. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

The most acrobatic thing that goes on here is a synchronized hair flip. ↗

— Louise Rozett

#humor