#or

Would you like to hear more romance of the evening? He told me that the Guard should be reduced by half, and I threw an ink jar at his head." "Is that when he cried?" "He ducked," Attolia said dryly. Grown more confident of the queen's humor, Relius said, "I had not pictured you for a fishwife." "Lo, the transforming power of love. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#intrigue #love #romance #humor

Something may have been lost in translation, but it certainly wasn't love ↗

— Erich Segal

#humor

When we did eventually get to the party - me walking next to Dad's Volvo driving at five miles an hour - I had a horrible time. Everyone laughed at first but then more or less ignored me. In a mood of defiant stuffed oliveness I did have a dance by myself but things kept crashing to the floor around me. The host asked if I would sit down. I had a go at that but it was useless. In the end I was at the gate for about an hour before Dad arrived. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor #humour #stuffed-oliveness #humor

My your balls wither away and you develop and allergy to Viagra and all it's counter-parts (Sophie to Royd) ↗

— Iris Johansen

#humor

I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed. ↗

— Tina Fey

#oprah #oprah-winfrey #humor

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#reason #humor

Traditional Botswana men like ladies who are more traditionally shaped. You and I, Mma. We remind men of how things used to be in Botswana before these modern-shaped ladies started to get men all confused. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#humor

Piper went a little crazy. She cried out with relief and dove straight into the water. What was she thinking? She didn't take a rope or a life vest or anything. But at the moment, she was just so happy that she paddled over to Leo and kissed him on the cheek, which kind of surprised him. "Miss me?" Leo laughed. Piper was suddenly furious. "Where were you? How are you guys alive?" "Long story," he said. A picnic basket bobbed to the surface next to him. "Want a brownie? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#romance #romantic #humor

Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate with mocking laughter. ↗

— George R. Gissing

#life #pessimism #humor

I ejaculated about ten minutes ago and the stuff was black. So everything is not normal." Silence greeted that happy little announcement. Man, if he had hauled off and sucker-punched V, he would have gotten less of a shocked-out reaction. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#friendships #humor #sex #friendship