#or

I refuse to have a life partner who spends his days pretending to be on a BBC show. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

If a bout of "creepy face" sets in, the trick is to look away from the camera between shots and turn back only when necessary. This also limits how much of your soul the camera can steal. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor

hope your birthday is hot hot hot ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

I'm not pessimistic, just realistic. ↗

— Jazz

#humor

I can be humbler than anyone. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humility #humor #irony #humor

You may weep more if you wish it," he announced, feeling exceedingly generous. ↗

— Lynn Kurland

#male-chauvenist #humor

Women were valued highly in those days – not as highly as the least of men, of course, but well above the worth of all but the most superior livestock. ↗

— Wendy Bertsch

#humor

Piteous human insecurities make the world go round. ↗

— Thanos Grigoriou

#humor #insecurity #humor

I just didn't care. I told you I don't like animals." She gave a snort, then settled back to silence. Cross another quality from her list. Earth Mother Sucked. ↗

— Jennifer Probst

#humor

Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kill #money #politicians #politics #prisoners