#or

I'm not racist, I've got a black president ↗

— Dane Cook

#humor #humor

And also...well...i told them I want to get an apartment with him next year rather than live in the dorms." What'd they say?" Over their dead bodies." What did you say?" I asked whether they wanted to be burie or cremated. ↗

— Carolyn Mackler

#humor

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady. -'Rhett ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#humor #racy #romance #rules-for-a-rake #sperm-donor

She refused to let common sense cloud her judgment. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

...it seems to us that the readers who want fiction to be like life are considerably outnumbered by those who would like life to be like fiction. ↗

— Sarah Caudwell

#humor

You were sleeping?" said Princess One. "No," I said. "Sometimes I just like to lie in the dark for hours with my eyes closed. ↗

— Melissa Kantor

#humor

Cyn stopped, drawing a deep breath. "Will you answer the fucking question or not? There's more at stake here than Raphael's Dick" Duncan choked back a laugh. ↗

— D.B. Reynolds

#jabril #vampires-in-america #humor

I knew it! I knew it! ” “Are we allowed to speak yet?” said Ron grumpily. Hermione ignored him. “Nicolas Flamel,” she whispered dramatically, “is the only known maker of the Philosopher's Stone!” This didn’t have quite the effect she’d expected. “The what?” said Harry and Ron. “Oh, honestly, don’t you two read? Look — read that, there. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #humor #philosopher-s-stone #ron-weasley #humor

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor

...it never really occurred to her that literary men, if they like women at all, do not want literary women but girls. ↗

— Muriel Spark

#men #humor