#or

Speak, or I will put a dint in your hat that even a wizard will find hard to deal with! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#humor #lord-of-the-rings #humor

...as nervous as a bird in a coal mine. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

He touched me. We kissed and we held hands sometimes. It was proper. Do you think I should have been with him in that way?" "Hell, no. He's probably not capable." "He's married now. They have children." "Must be Catholic." "What makes you say that?" "Virgin births. ↗

— Ellen O'Connell

#humor

Tonights is the first football game of the season West Paragon Dawgs versus East Paragon Dolphins - Cerberus guardiam of the underworld versus Flipper - go figure. ↗

— Addison Moore

#humor

Jaz is their drummer. He’s pretty damn good too. Hell, he’s pretty damn good at everything he’s ever tried. Creative little shit. ↗

— Lissa Matthews

#humor

On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernan ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#macabre #humor

A Sorcery community? Do they have a Facebook page? ↗

— Leia Shaw

#humor

We may run into Kevin,” Lucy said gloomily. “She’s hoping to run into Kevin,” Zoë assured her. Justine smiled grimly. “Preferably with my car. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#friendships #humor #friendship

Can’t you do something for her?” his nephew finally asked, when several moments passed and her screaming and didn’t stop. “I already have. I didn’t kill her,” Lucian said dryly, then added, “Slow down. You’re as bad as taxi drivers.” “And you’re a backseat driver,” Thomas muttered, then cursed under his breath. “Surely there are some drugs or something we could give her to settle her down?” Lucian glanced at him with interest. “Do you have any?” Thomas blinked. “No.” “Hmm.” He sat back in his seat. “Neither do I.” Thomas stared for a moment, glanced back at the woman in the back of the car, then said, “Her screaming is rather loud, don’t you think? Just a bit distracting for those of us trying to concentrate.” “Yes, it is,” Lucian agreed, and reached into his pocket for his earplugs. He popped them into his ears and closed his eyes, the shrieking in the car considerably muffled. He’d have killed the woman before the plane had landed without the earplugs. They were a blessing. ↗

— Lynsay Sands

#humor

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president. ↗

— Bill Maher

#sarah-palin #humor