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It turns out, Holder doesn’t have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes.


Colleen Hoover


#colleen-hoover #dean-holder #funny #hopeless #sky-and-holder

Tighe took control of his thoughts. “You need to use the bathroom. When I tell you to, go into the house. Two cats will try to come in with you. You must let them in. Don’t allow anyone to stop them. Once inside the house, you’ll go into the bathroom and close the door, pull down your pants, then curl up on the floor and go to sleep.” The bastard’s career would be over when they caught him, literally, with his pants down. But he deserved it for kicking a cat.


Pamela Palmer


#funny #justice #tighe #funny

The only way to tell a fable is to introduce a human. The only way to tell a proverb is to introduce your grandfather.


Bauvard


#funny #humor #proverbs #funny

People are right to worry about alcohol ruining the rest of their life, but with harder drugs they can afford to be more casual: regret is preceded by overdose.


Bauvard


#funny #humor #overdose #funny

And it was kind of funny to see all these professional fighters unwilling to get within a mile of the female. Then again, if you wanted to survive doing the work they did, accurate risk assessment was something you developed early -- and even Qhuinn, who was the object of the protective instinct the Chosen was rocking, wouldn't have dared touch her.


J.R. Ward


#j-r-ward #layla #lover-at-last #qhuinn #funny

Pops added,"you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve." "And if you do, you never get the results you expected," (Katherine) replied.


E.A. Bucchianeri


#disappointments #election #elections #false-hope #funny

Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys as Columbus did. On Septemeber 28, 1492, after four weeks at sea, he writes: Dear diary...I means journal. Yes, dear journal. That's what I meant to say. Whew. Anyway, we have yet to discover America, and the crew has become increasingly rebellious. I have decided to turn back if we have not spotted it by Columbus Day. Will write again later if not killed by crew. P.S. Last night's buffet was fabulous, the ice sculptures magnificent.


Cuthbert Soup


#columbus #columbus-day #diary #discovering #explorers

A funny thing happened to the First Amendment on its way to the public forum. According to the Supreme Court, money is now speech and corporations are now people. But when real people without money assemble to express their dissatisfaction with the political consequences of this, they’re treated as public nuisances and evicted.


Robert Reich


#democracy #first-amendment #government #politics #public-assembly

You know,” he says, voice still low.“I have had nothing but trouble since you walked into my life.” “I’d walk straight back out of it if only you’d let me.


L.H. Cosway


#funny #lovers-quarrels #tegan-and-ethan #funny

What the fuck is going on Lor? What the hell did you do last night? What did you say to Kacey? Who the hell is Blue Eyes and why is my car spray-painted with the word ‘asshole’?” Spray-paint? Oh dear God, what have I done?


J.C. McClean


#hangover #humour #funny






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