#ow

Thank you for helping my sister,” he says. I lean forward, mimicking his position. “I’m happy to.” Calliope leans out her window. “STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#cricket #flirt #funny #lola #lola-and-the-boy-next-door

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words? ↗

— Martin Freeman

#everyone #know #long #long words #pretend

I'm going to take a shower," I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. "You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend. ↗

— Chelsea M. Cameron

#funny #hunter-zaccadelli #my-favorite-mistake #shower #taylor-and-hunter

I want to take all the pain of humanity, ball it up into a compressed, black 16-pound sphere, add three holes in a triangular formation to it, and use it to bowl a strike. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humanity #pain #funny

You said you'd give me half an hour!' 'And you said you'd satisfy me whenever I wanted it. I want it now.' He removed is jacket. 'Drop the towel.' 'I-I never agreed to be naked! ↗

— Kresley Cole

#naked #towel #funny

I didn't really know what I wanted to do, and then I got this call from a casting director in Los Angeles. She remembered me from something years before, and she called my mom wanting me to audition for this thing. ↗

— Scott Speedman

#audition #before #call #called #casting

Besides, what do I know about being a wife? There are much more important qualities to have than a docile disposition. ↗

— C.J. Redwine

#girl-power #funny

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#silly #yellow #funny

I can’t believe I’ve missed this sport. It’s all about fingering holes and caressing balls. ↗

— K.A. Mitchell

#funny #k-a-mitchell #sport #funny

I used to be such a militant city-ist, but more and more I've seen forests and nature and oceans, and I don't know any more if this is the awesomest way to live. ↗

— Regina Spektor

#forests #i #know #live #militant