#po

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

I want to broadcast your poem to me over the radio so everyone will know we love each other just as deeply as the people in pop songs. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #pop-songs #radio #funny

The workforce offers many outlets for personal growth to people of limited potential. You can explore your aptitude for drudgery. Or if you are the creative sort, you can join a corporation and have it come up with your ideas for you. The amount of great ideas corporations have today is astounding. They are far more original than people ever were. In fact, since the rise of the corporation I can’t think of a single person who invented anything. ↗

— Bauvard

#creativity #funny #humor #inventions #jobs

Aping the lower class will only lead to fatherless children, unusable muscles, and the fear of tomorrow’s sobriety. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lower-class #poor #working-class

The only purpose in making an appointment is to prolong the anticipation of one's presence. That’s why when I make dinner reservations, I hardly ever show up. It ensures the waiters are doing their job properly. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #humor #reservations #servers

The law and a thin veil of insincerity, all that prevents me from strangling an etiquette coach. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #law #manners #politeness

Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police station?" "Yeah. We were both-" "Have I died yet? ↗

— David Wong

#died-yet #funny #john #police #funny

A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician does his patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant. ↗

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

#does #extravagant #fever #his #ill