#quote

You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? ↗

— Renita D'Silva

#funny-humor #humor #humour #india #indian-author

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #romance-funny #funny

I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#funny

Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion." "Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?" Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here." "How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious. "Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing." “How's that a duel?” "He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about." Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#drinking #funny-quotes #funny

I was momentarily stunned by his odd announcement and told him as much. "Let’s just talk about the fact that you composed a sonnet to my vagina, shall we? You are sending off some major stalker vibes, which is odd because you’re gay. You are gay, right?" He narrowed his eyes at me and waved his hand in the direction of his 'muse' as he stated, "I don't want any part of that thing. I just want to honor it for being the only known thing in existence to be touched by the dick of a god. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny #humor-quotes #quote #romance #funny

Its a flash drive." When his only answer was a blank stare, I continued. "It holds information from a computer." He took the drive from me giving it a hard shake. When nothing came out, he proceded to tap it against the edge of the windowsill. "How do we get the information out?" - Kale and Deznee - Touch ↗

— Jus Accardo

#humor #funny

Who peed in your cheerios?" - Daniel - The Unbecoming Of Mara Dyer ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#funny

Knighthood lies above eternity; it doesn’t live off fame, but rather deeds. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#dejan-stojanovic #eternity #fame #knighthood #knights

Sun is a hearthstone, a merry-go-round of extinguished hearthstones. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#hearthstone #literature #literature-quotes #merry-go-round #philosophy

How alive is thought, invisible, yet without thought there is no sight. ↗