#ra

Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline. ↗

— A.T. Hicks

#funny #outrageous-behavior #penis-size #funny

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.
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— Jarod Kintz

#applaud #applause #approve #clap #clapping

Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK? ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#science #violence #funny

A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through secret occult knowledge. Just ask the Masons.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A red brick, along with other red bricks, could be used in place of a STOP sign. Nothing says STOP quite like a brick wall.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to run a marathon on. While a brick is only about 1/207504th the length of a marathon’s 26.2 miles, a marathon could be run on it if the brick is slid in sync with the stride of the runner running the marathon, so that each of the runner’s footsteps lands on the same brick. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

It’s true most superheroes have funny names. But they have to come up with these names by themselves. Think about how hard it is. Try it, right now; boil down your personality and abilities to a single phrase or image. If you can do that, you’re probably a superhero already. ↗

— Andrew Kaufman

#funny

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny