#ra

And since when is stealing people's possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and you don't know how to handle it ↗

— Dalia Sofer

#funny #insult #septembers-of-shiraz #funny

First you jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#inspirational

How do you know?” “Well, I don’t, I’m making this up, but I bet I’m right. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#english #funny #man #vulnerable #funny

Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#heart #humour #random #funny

Bad relationships are not lucrative at all. There is far more at stake in good relationships. Good relationships keep divorces protracted, psychologists employed, and children in jail where they belong. Without them society would collapse! ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #marriage #relationships #society #therapy

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #politicians #politics

Well I ain't Dr. Phil, but I'm smart," she said. "And your shoes are cuter than his," I said, trying to sound at least semi-normal. "Yeah they remind me of Dorothy's ruby slippers, only mine are wedges 'cause I'm more fashion conscious than she was. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#dr-phil #funny #hidden #house-of-night #kramisha