#rand

My mother told me I was begging her to be an actor when I was four. My father and my grandfather saw at least one or two movies a week; they were film buffs, so I guess it just rubbed off on me. ↗

— Giovanni Ribisi

#begging #father #film #four #grandfather

i'm not sarcastic.i'm just intelligent beyond your understanding. ↗

— ?

#funny

Why would Roman gods want to date Chinese Canadians? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#grandmother #heroes-of-olympus #humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #son-of-neptune

I love to be with my son and my grandchildren, like normal people. I have no particular idea of what I represent to other people. It's very mysterious to me. I don't understand it. ↗

— Omar Sharif

#i #i love #idea #like #love

A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the same way that the very fabric of our democracy is torn.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #humor #random #funny

My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we fill the time with silence.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used in conjunction with another brick to be the Democrat and Republican Presidential candidates. People will say, Vote for the brick on the left, or, The brick on the right is better. But do not be deceived—they're both the same, and they're both bricks.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon. ↗

— Andy Van Slyke

#eliminate #every #grand #grand canyon #peaks