#rand

(LuAnn) Whatever. That'll teach me not to build my life around a man whose favorite book is Atlas Shrugged. Listen, kid." She waggles her finger, as if scolding me. "Nothing good comes from Ayn RAnd. Trust me on this. ↗

— Abby McDonald

#humor #humor

I've got nine kids, nine dogs, three grandkids - and one in the oven. And three parrots! ↗

— Michael Landon

#got #grandkids #i #kids #nine

Your uniqueness is your greatest strength, not how well you emulate others. ↗

— Simon S. Tam

#api #asian #asian-american #branding #business

He'd just called Shawn a bottom, though, and Shawn looked pissed. Call Remy a bottom and he would jump you and let you screw his brains out. Call Thiago a bottom and he would look at you for five minutes, shrug, and the go about his business. Call Nikolaus a bottom and he might cry. Call Brandt a bottom and you might get a blowjob, you might just get blown up. But call Shawn a bottom? Carl supposed he was about to find out what happened when you called Shawn a bottom. ↗

— Abigail Roux

#carl #nikolaus #remy #shawn #thiago

Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I’d still be mad at you, or if we would talk in words or pictures. Maybe in smells. That would be cool.” -Janco ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#afterlife-speculation #funny-and-random #funny-but-true #funny-quotes #humor

I loved Granny Belmonte, but she didn't need a costume to look undead. ↗

— Bethany Frenette

#humor #undead #humor

My grandfather, along with Carnegie, was a pioneer in philanthropy, which my father then practiced on a very large scale. ↗

— David Rockefeller

#along #carnegie #father #grandfather #large

How funny are dogs? ↗

— John Marsden

#funny

We would also have to say goodbye to the joy of watching this next generation soak up the massive quantities of love their grandmother would have given them, and seeing them learn that there was someone in the world who loved them as much as their parents did: a grandmother who was delighted by all their quirks and who thought they were the most amazing creatures on earth. ↗

— Will Schwalbe

#grandmother #death

I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks. ↗

— Paul Rudnick

#grand-canyon #michelangelo #snacks #death