#ren

Don't you see Blaynie." Mitch put his arm around her shoulders. "You're like an illegitimate little sister that I never wanted. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#shelly-laurenston #humor

And I understand my sisters when they say every woman has a story that's been told a maxim of one soul, maybe less And that is why you'll never hear me call a woman slut, bitch or a dyke, No matter what she does, because I do not blame her I blame the men who have emotionally and physically raped her, I blame these corporations whose images tell them they hate her, And I put my arms on her shoulder and tell her how great to life and to God that SHE created her ↗

— Mark Gonzales

#inspirational-love #women-s-strength #inspirational

She's easy to lead around, a shiny present here, a pretty compliment there, and you have true love and a popped cherry sacrificed to the god of deception and hormones. Young girls are so ridiculous--so predictably easy. ↗

— Kristin Cast

#love

Broke your jaw once before Spilt your blood upon the floor You broke my leg in return So let's sit back and watch the bed burn Well love sticks sweat drips Break the lock if it don't fit A kick in the teeth is good for some A kiss with a fist is better than none ↗

— Florence Welch

#kiss-with-a-fist #the-machine #love

Believe that God is strong enough to save your children, no matter how you fail. ↗

— Elyse Fitzpatrick

#love

The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men. ↗

— Charles de Gaulle

#humor #humor

If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money. ↗

— J.R. Rain

#parenting #humor

There’s no winning arguments with your parents, so why get all pumped up over them? It is way better to dive down and get out of the way than it is to get clobbered by some parental tidal wave. ↗

— Wendelin Van Draanen

#parents #humor

The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole. ↗

— David Sedaris

#christmas #humor #santa #humor

Greatness is one of the sensations of littleness ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#irreverence #humor