#ric

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. ↗

— Yakov Smirnoff

#american women #doing #dream #i #like

With the greater part of rich people, the chief enjoyment of riches consists in the parade of riches. ↗

— Adam Smith

#consists #enjoyment #greater #parade #part

A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as:
 Brick: I checked everywhere, and it’s not where I last left it. Did you touch my penis sandwich?
 Blanket: What? Eww no, why would I touch your penis sandwich?
 Brick: Well, would it make you more comfortable if I put on some condiments and rolled on a condom?
 Blanket: Dude, or lady, whatever you are. I’m not gay—or straight. I’m not even bisexual. I’m a blanket, and I’m asexual. I’m also not hungry now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks. But we wouldn’t have to go through all that trouble if you’d just eat the bricks I put on your plate.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to gauge the level of reciprocated sexual interest of the person or object of your desire. A brick works best, however, when the focus of your lust is the brick itself. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when you need it?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to save your marriage. If only your spouse is invited under your blanket, then each party feels exclusively inclusive to each other. Still, there is a problem. What am I going to do with all the tickets I sold to the internet perverts to spend an evening with you under your blanket?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick and a blanket could be used to replace the words yes and no. But which is witch? You’ll have to burn me at the stake before I tell you anything. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny