#ric

A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Cyn stopped, drawing a deep breath. "Will you answer the fucking question or not? There's more at stake here than Raphael's Dick" Duncan choked back a laugh. ↗

— D.B. Reynolds

#jabril #vampires-in-america #humor

But they're already singing our praises!" "They are Americans. They toot their horns for anything. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#enthusiasm #humor #humor

Satan rejected my soul; as low as he goes, he never quite goes this low. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

American long for a closed society in which everything can be bought, where laborers are either hidden away or dressed up as nonhumans, so as not to be disconcerting. This place is called Disney World ↗

— Adam Gopnik

#disney-world #humor #humor

When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt That you can't pay Take the easy way and give in! ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here. ↗

— Alan Rickman

#comedy #humor #humor

Kinzie smiled smugly. “You admire our base of operations? Yes, our distribution system is worldwide. It took many years and most of our fortune to build. Now, finally, we’re turning a profit. The mortals don’t realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we’ll be richer than any mortal nation. Then—when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!” “What are you going to do?” Frank grumbled. “Cancel free shipping? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#amazons #frank-zhang #humor #kinzie #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Cass, I know you’re only trying to help but I will stab you in your face. ↗

— S.L.J. Shortt

#humor #humor