#rid

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#honour #pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies #funny

I used to go to Vegas and play the horses, and then I realised how ridiculous that was. There is no winning in gambling, but there is on the stock market. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#go #horses #how #i #market

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have." "The better to style with, my dear. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#fairy-tales #funny #hair #red-riding-hood #funny

What do you call a rifle with three barrels? A trifle. ↗

— Joseph Rosenbloom

#biggest-riddle-book-in-the-world #funniest #funny #humor #humorous

I am not african. Africa is in me, but I cannot return. I am not taina. Taino is in me, but there is no way back. I am european. Europe lives in me, but I have no home there. I am new. History made me. My first language is Spanglish. I was born at the crossroads and I am whole. ↗

— Aurora Levins Morales

#home

Hagrid, look what I’ve got for relatives!” Harry said furiously. “Look at the Dursleys!” “An excellent point,” said Professor Dumbledore. “My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I’m not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery. . . . ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#dumbledore #dursley #family #hagrid #relatives

What happened to your tan?"--Fang "It was dirt." --Max ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor

Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance? ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #humor

You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #love #love-struck #max #maxride

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗