#s

Only love for Christ has the power to incapacitate the sturdy love for self that is the bane of every sinner, and only the grace of Christ has the power to produce that love. ↗

— Paul David Tripp

#love

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

His brother fell silent again, another oddity for Chad. Several seconds passed. “Bro, all of us are a little fucked up.” “No shit. ↗

— J. Lynn

#humor #humor

Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said. Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#gop #humor #politics #republicans #humor

I try to smile at her, but I can't extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won't move. ↗

— Steph Campbell

#sadness #sarcasm #humor

Only a female could be as calculating and have the foresight that destiny requires,' the gypsy explained. 'Now fate is a man,' he went on, 'no planning, just go with the flow and see what tomorrow brings. ↗

— Traci Harding

#wisdom #humor

Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me? ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#howl-s-moving-castle #humor #sophie-hatter #humor

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #surreal #funny

Man, it was a good thing vampires didn't get cancer. Lately he'd been chain-smoking like a felon. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#cancer #humor #life #smoking #humor