#s

I brought us all Big Macs,” he said happily. “I know you dig ’em, remember?” “What the…” Tohr tightened his grip on his shellan, just in case . . . well, shit, with the way things were going lately, anything could happen. “What are you doing here?” “It’s your lucky day, motherfucker. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #humor

Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Paranoia is just the bastard child of fear and good sense." (Charlie) "Poor thing. Let's adopt it, give it a last name and raise it right." (Jace) "You want to get it a puppy, too?" "Sure. We'll call it Panic. It and little Paranoia can play together at the park and scare the hell out of all the other kids. ↗

— D.D. Barant

#panic #paranoia #pets #humor

Every time we start thinking we're the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, 'I'm sorry. What'd you say your name was again? ↗

— Margaret Maron

#wisdom #humor

Clichés can be quite fun. That's how they got to be clichés. ↗

— Alan Bennett

#humor #wisdom #writing #humor

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #humor #infant #nap #sleep

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#satire #humor

Be With Me In The Phases Of My Work Because My Brain Feels Like It Has Been Whipped And I Yearn To Make A Small Perfect Thing Which Will Live In Your Morning Like Curious Static Through A President's Elegy Or A Nude Hunchback Acquiring A Tan On The Crowded Oily Beach. ↗

— Leonard Cohen

#humor #inspiration #science #humor

I must have your promise, Coach, that you won't hurt her." "I promise." "You spoke a bit too quickly for my taste. I don't quite believe you." "I'm a man of my word, and I promise that I won't hurt her.When I murder her, I'll do it real quick, so she won't feel a thing." Viktor sighed. "That's exactly what I was afraid of. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #susan-elizabeth-phillips #humor

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show. ↗

— George Carlin

#childhood #hip #humor #strippers #humor