#s

Did you let him know that if he can't see fit to return your blow job immediately, you will have no choice but to sue? ↗

— Meg Cabot

#inspirational #romance #humor

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#control-freaks #control-issues #cynic #cynical #cynical-humor

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly." "And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#gwen #humor #intellect #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

Father said I have no sense of humor at all. He said I was unequipped to meet life because I have no sense of humor. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#humor

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#comedy #humor #humor

Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#fighting #frank-sinatra #humor #police #humor

It is simple impertinence for any man, or any body of men, to begin, or to contemplate, reform of the whole world. ↗

— Mahatma Gandhi

#men

It's only life. We all get through it. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#life #living #survival #humor

I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world." "I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#lilith #monsters #rebellion #teenagers #humor

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #jazz #miles-davis #humor