#s

Never tell anyone to be careful, never ask what that noise was, and for the love of God, never, ever say that you'll be right back." —Evelyn Baker ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#humor #humor

Someday you'll remember what I said and you'll thank me for it." Francie wished adults would stop telling her that. Already the load of thanks in the future was weighing her down. She figured she'd have to spend the best years of her womanhood hunting up people to tell them that they were right and to thank them. ↗

— Betty Smith

#betty-smith #humor #thanks #humor

Any time I’m not shooting my mouth off to a clichéd, two-bit creature of the night like you, it’s because I’m up to something. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course. ↗

— Hank Aaron

#golf #humor #sports #humor

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end. ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor #humor

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #toilet-tissue #humor

one transcendent kiss that later makes lovers take soft breaths, holding hands ↗

— Lori L. Otto

#lovers #romance #love

I invited a few people to help celebrate your birthday," Cameron said sheepishly. She threw up her hands. "Surprise." "We sort of come with the package," Collin explained. "Think of it as a collective gift from all of us to you: five bona fide annoying and overly intrusive new best friends." "It's the gift that keeps on giving," Wilkins said. Jack grinned. "I'm touched. Really. And since it appears I'm going to be moving in, let me be the first to say that all of you are always welcome at my and Cameron's house. Subject to a minimum of forty-eight hours prior notification. ↗

— Julie James

#julie-james #romance #something-about-you #humor

She shook her head as she confessed, "I want it so much, I'm afraid to hope." "Never be afraid to hope," Rohan said gently. "It's the only way to begin." -Rohan to Win ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#romance #humor

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#humor #religion #humor