#s

You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #paranormal #humor

You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?" "He's got big feet!" "What?" An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears. ↗

— Anne Bishop

#insults #wolves #humor

I don’t have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross. ↗

— A.S. King

#humor #lgbt #lgbtq #ya #young-adult

I've got plenty.” Isabelle smiled, kicking her feet up so that her anklets jingled like Christmas bells. "These, for instance. The left one is gold, which is poisonous to demons, and the right one is blessed iron, in case I run across any unfriendly vampires or even faeries, faeries hate iron. They both have strength runes carved into them, so I can pack a hell of a kick. " "Demon hunting and fashion," Clary said. "I never would have thought they went together. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#demon-hunting #fashion #humor #isabelle #humor

Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass. ↗

— M.A. George

#kiss-my-ass #paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #humor

Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it. ↗

— Brian Jacques

#humor #magic #squire-julian #warrior #humor

To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation...Love is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world for himself for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things. ↗

— Rainer Maria Rilke

#philosophy #poetry #love

The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening. ↗

— Addison Moore

#skyla #humor

No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget. ↗

— Kaza Kingsley

#present #time #humor

The End of the Raven "On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for. Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven, Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door. 'Raven's very tasty,' thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor. 'There is nothing I like more.' [...] Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -- 'Nevermore.' While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up, Then I crouched and quickly leapt up, pouncing on the feathered bore. Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -- Only this and not much more. ↗

— Henry N. Beard

#edgar-allan-poe #humor #raven #humor