#ship

Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue. ↗

— Mark Gungor

#relationships #humor

If it winds up earlier, you should have a movie picked out. This is assuming she isn’t sending you the ‘let’s go back to my place’ signals. In that case—” “Don’t go there, Bob. Let’s just not go there. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#friendships #funny #humor #friendship

LADY BRACKNELL To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#engagement #humor #marriage #relationships #humor

Certainly no one has ever died of an unrequited passion—it's usually the ones that are requited that get people in trouble. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#relationships #unrequited-love #humor

It ain't locked, till it's checked! ↗

— Angelo N. Dallas

#family

For someone who is supposed to be a knight in shining armor, you're acting like an ass in aluminum foil. ↗

— Lisa Logue

#love #relationships #humor

Had she punished him enough? How could she be sure? ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Men are men, mortal or not. ↗

— K.C. Randall

#humor-relationships #humor

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#may-december-relationships #humor

It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor #marriage #humor