#simon

‎Does anyone truly understand females? ...Their behavior is opposite of everything in the natural order and flies in the face of logic. ↗

— Mary Lydon Simonsen

#females #human #lydon #mary #mr-darcy

He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now. "That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #kiara #kiara-westford #perfect-chemistry

Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary ↗

— Simon Holt

#funny #simon-holt #the-devouring #funny

Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month? ↗

— Simon Holt

#quinn #simon-holt #soulstice #funny

Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #simon-lewis #humor

Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #mortal-instruments #simon #vampire #humor

Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression. "Are you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #simon-lewis #humor

Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jocelyn-fray #simon-lewis #humor

Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted. Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly. Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-" No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat." She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust. I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#rat #simon-lewis #transformation #humor

Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #humor