#t

Percy was getting tired of water. If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon’s Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn’t care. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #poseidon #the-heroes-of-olympus #the-mark-of-athena

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #huddle-house #humor #hungry #funny

And now, gentlemen, like your manners, I must leave you. ↗

— Dylan Thomas

#manners #manners

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#classic-insult #drama-critic #humor #katharine-hepburn #humor

She had not made a decision to give up sex, only the clamor of romance, because it was exhausting her, doing her no good and too much harm... ↗

— Michelle Herman

#humor #romance #sex #humor

Hazel!” he yelled. “That box! Open it!” She hesitated, then saw the box he meant. Te label read WARNING. DO NOT OPEN. “Open it!” Leo yelled again. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena #humor

Friendship is a strange animal. It only thrives in voluntary enjoyment of each other's company, in the pleasure of nonobligatory connection. I repeat: You owe me nothing. ↗

— Kate Christensen

#friendship #kate-christensen #love #lovejoy #the-astral

THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth, and he was damned impressed that Gwen had. She’d made the Lords of the Underworld look like marshmallows. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #humor

There is no greater glory than love, nor any great punishment than jealously. ↗

— Lope de Vega

#any #glory #great #greater #jealously

I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #breakfast #eaten #funny #grinning