#ted

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#human-nature #humor #infinity #philosophy #science

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results. ↗

— Narcotics Anonymous

#insanity #life #misattributed-albert-einstein #humor

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ↗

— Paul Terry

#humor #laziness #misattributed-to-hutchins #humor

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #misattributed #philosophy #theology #humor

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources ↗

— Albert Einstein

#humor #misattributed #humor

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #misattributed #spoonerism #wordplay #humor

I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story. ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#humor #humor

I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don’t have any friends. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kill #murder #overpopulated #overpopulation #prison

The whole point of a sacrifice is that you give up something you never really wanted in the first place. People are doing it around you all the time. They give up their careers, say - or their beliefs - or sex. ↗

— John Osborne

#beliefs #careers #doing #first #give

People always tell me, 'Reinvent yourself, re-this, re-whatever.' I haven't reinvented myself. It's an honest evolution. I've always been authentic. ↗

— Pamela Anderson

#authentic #been #evolution #haven #honest