#to

Such was the number of the barbarians, that when they shot forth their arrows the sun would be darkened by their multitude." Dieneces, not at all frightened at these words, but making light of the Median numbers, answered "Our Trachinian friend brings us excellent tidings. If the Medes darken the sun, we shall have our fight in the shade. ↗

— Herodotus

#humor #humor

I really like beer. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#humor #wolverine #humor

Cartooning will destroy you; it will break your heart. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#depression #humor #humor

Nathan always believed his wife was trying to poison him but he didn't seem to mind. He said it made life kind of exciting. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#humor #l-m-montomery #humor

Haggis" is a brand of nappies.' I said. 'They're good, we used them for our daughter.' 'Haggis is a kind of food too,' said Semyon, shaking his head. 'Although as far as taste goes, there's probably not much difference. ↗

— Sergei Lukyanenko

#haggis #humor #semyon #food

I can see that an insufficent, or perhaps even defective, socialization process has led you to believe that four-letter words add power to languauge ↗

— Preston and Child

#humor #pendergast #preston #still-life-with-crows #humor

[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference to being 'tolerant of differences.' The nerve! Who does Spongebob think he is? Jesus Christ? Tolerance will not be, uh, tolerated. Oh, and tolerance is quite possibly closesly connected to gay-ance. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#homophobia #humor #tolerance #humor

Yes, yes, mistress, I shall go and accomplish your task. Only—I was not only sent to kill the Leucrotta. There is a maiden in a tower—" At this the Witch spat, again rolling her marvelous eyes. "Those revolting creatures are always getting themselves locked up. If only they would stay that way. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#maidens #towers #witches #humor

It's that quirky kind of weekend feeling they write ridiculous sunny-day songs about. You know the ones--I'm sure they're on your iPod even though you'd never admit it. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#true-to-life #humor

God doesn't do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, "Can I be excused the Crucifixion?" No! ↗

— Alan Bennett

#the-history-boys #humor