#um

Why does everything so bad for you always taste so dreamy? ↗

— Colleen Houck

#humor

I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing...maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hp #humor

You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#humor #humor

Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#butch #humor #j-r-ward #humor

I have a black sense of humor. You try living my life, see what color yours turns. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#karen-marie-moning #humor

Tyson- "Cash? Like...green paper?" Percy- "Yeah." Tyson- "Like the kind in duffel bags?" Percy-"Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g--." "Tyson! How did you--" Tyson- "Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#life #wisdom #humor

All right," Clara said. "We have our swordsman, so let's get moving. Brigan, could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#humor

Westley: This is true love — you think this happens every day? ↗

— William Goldman

#love #humor

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor