#um

And we'll call you...hmmm. Pudge." "Huh?" "Pudge," the Colonel said. "Because you're skinny. It's called irony, Pudge. Heard of it? Now, let's go get some cigarettes and start this year off right. ↗

— John Green

#wise #humor

...but, dear me, let us be elegant or die. ↗

— Louisa May Alcott

#humor

At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

I couldn't take much more of this. Being the object two men competed for wasn't as glamorous as it sounded in the movies. The two men who both wanted one hundred percent of my time weren't dashing, international playboys. They were undead and surprisingly immature, considering the youngest was just over a hundred years old. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#love-triangle #men-and-women #relationships #humor

The first time I came to Deadwood, I got shot in the ass." -Violet Parker ↗

— Ann Charles

#humor

I've been diagnosed as being bi-polar but so have Florence Nightingale and King David...which kinda leaves me in pretty dam good company...if I must say so. ↗

— Timothy Pina

#humor

I take back everything I ever said about that boy being clever." He turned around to face the bar while leveling an accusatory finger at the closed door. "That," he said firmly to the room in general, "is what comes of working with iron every day. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor

Life is like a boner: long and hard. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

And i was buck-naked. Which probably would have made for an interesting night, but the last time i'd checked i was neither a porn star or a prostitute. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #humor

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#vampire #humor