#um

FABLEHAVEN: None who enter will leave unchanged. Trespassers will be turned to stone. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor #magic #trespassing #humor

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor

Monkeys can't talk, stupid! ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

Molly: So how do you think of Bryce Hamilton crowd so far? Boys hot enough for you? Bethany: I wouldn't say hot. Most of them seem to have a normal body temperature. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #molly #humor

Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. ↗

— Johnny Depp

#humor

Gabi to Marcus "I can't believe out of one hundred thousand sperm, you were the fastest! ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#reproduction #humor

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humor

That's it, cupcake. You're going down. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #trash-talk #humor

Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#true #humor

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#obama #parking #humor