#um

Smite me? You think you can smite me? Do you even know what that means? I shrugged. "What do you think it means?" I thought I'd gotten it right. "Nothing," she cackled, "Absolutely nothing because you couldn't smite me even if you knew what it meant." "Really? A minute ago you didn't think I could see you. How do you know what I can't do?" That slowed her down. "Trust me, if I can see you, I can smite you." - Aurora to Peaches ↗

— A&E Kirk

#humor #humor

Everything is, the way it is, for a reason. Or it isn't. Or neither. Or both. It's so hard to tell. It's so hard to tell you're a mile away by the Luke in your eye. ↗

— Alistair McHarg

#humor #manic-depresion #recovery #word-association #humor

Lucy: I don't understand men. Nettie: What is there to understand? If you feed 'em regular-like and give 'em a bit of 'sugar' now and then, they're easy enough. And if they don't behave, you just toss 'em out on their arses. That's what I always say. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#humor #men #romance #humor

...there is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, "You are a poo. ↗

— Caitlin Moran

#motherhood #humor

There's a very generous donation in the parish's future if you make this fast. Ten minutes, at the most." Frowning, the man fumbled open his liturgy. "There's an established rite, Your Grace. Marriage must be entered into with solemnity and consideration. I don't know that I can rush--" "Ten minutes. One thousand guineas." The liturgy snapped closed. "Then again, what do a few extra minutes signify to an eternal God?" He beckoned Amelia with a fluttering, papery hand. "Make haste, child. You're about to be married. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#marriage #money #humor

I guess Smart Seth is glad, he said reluctantly. But be careful. Idiot Seth is the guy to watch out for. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor

It says 'Shadowhunters; looking better in black than the widows of our enemies since 1234." [Jace] ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

(Joan,1941) She wrote me a letter asking,"How can I read it?,Its so hard." I told her to start at the beginning and read as far as you can get until you're lost. Then start again at the beginning and keep working through until you can understand the whole book. And thats what she did ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#learning-to-read #richard-feynmann #sense-of-humor #studying #understand

She groaned as her face turned to press against the rosewood floor. "Welly, remind me to order a better mattress for my bed. This one is far too firm." "Oh, Eliza," Wellington gasped, now remembering why he was in these lush surroundings. "No broken nose, I hope." "S'all right," Braun slurred. Her voiced dropped to a whisper. "My ample bosom broke my fall. ↗

— Philippa Ballantine

#ministry-of-peculiar-occurrences #philippa-ballantine #tee-morris #humor

If I had a sense of humor, I'd be laughing right now. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#humor