#um

I'm going to have a hard time sending you off with Scott in that dress. Just a heads-up: If you come home and the dress looks even slightly tampered with,I will track Scott down, and when I find him,it won't be pretty ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor

He leaned a fraction closer. “My lovers have always been warrior women. Strength intrigues me.” She refused to let him play with her like this, even if her body disagreed. Vehemently. “Do knives intrigue you, too? Because touch me and I will cut you up. I don’t care if you throw me off the nearest balcony. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

… she gave me a look that deftly combined tenderness with revulsion. To this day the memory of that look still visits me like a Jehovah’s Witness: uninvited and tireless. ↗

— Steve Toltz

#humor #relationships #humor

If it doesn't make sense, it's usually not true. ↗

— Judy Sheindlin

#judge-judy #logic #humor

That Loor's a handful, she is." - Spader (Black Water) ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

I believe there is a great deal too much mutual confession going on today, as if sharing one’s problems somehow makes them go away. All it really does, of course, is increase the number of people who have to worry about a particular issue. ↗

— Helen Simonson

#major-pettigrew-s-last-stand #humor

Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor #humor

Medical school had been a time for imaginary diseases and Martin had contracted almost all of them. ↗

— Robin Cook

#medical #humor

I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Huh? ↗

— Frank Beddor

#humor #the-looking-glass-wars #humor

Well I am still not drunk" I straightened up against the pillows as best I could. "You told me once that if you could still stand up, you weren't drunk." You aren't standing up." he point out. You are. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#humor