#um

I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?" A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway." "While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #lords-of-the-underworld #humor

Much slower, I turned around to see Vlad examining his fingernails, as if his hands weren't still ablaze in the flames that had blasted the ghoul's head off moments before. 'what the hell was that?' I gasped. 'Premature inflammation,' He replied. 'Happens sometimes. Very embarrassing, I don't like to talk about it.' ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor

Rae burned me. She has matches or something. Look, look..." Tori pulled down the collar of her T-shirt. "Leave your cloths on, Tori," Simon said, raising his hands to his eyes. "Please. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#simon #the-summoning #humor

I am not really breaking any rules. Charlie said I could never take another step through the door again... I came in through the window... Still, the intent was clear," said Edward. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#edward #humor #rules #humor

Dont ruin my balls!" She laughs as the words leave her mouth. Better yours than mine, chica." I toss the dough balls at her, one by one, until I've got none left. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #kiara #humor

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. ↗

— Sam Levenson

#humor #relationships #family

I had just heard tales that the Valkyrie were large warriors, akin to Amazons.” “If you’re the sole survivor of an army attacked by us, are you going to say we had our asses handed to us by petite, nubile females, or by she-monsters who can bench Buicks? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humor #humor

[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth. ↗

— Stephen Hawking

#science #stupidity #humor

I can be a regular bitch. Just try me. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#humor