#um

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead. ↗

— Stan Laurel

#laurel-and-hardy #laurel-hardy #stan-laurel #humor

Let me get this straight. you want me to go stomping through a graveyard brandishing a bottle of booze to rouse an unrestful spirit so that I can interrogate him?" - Cat to Bones ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#paranormal #humor

Nick could see the gun shaking in Alan's hand now, in tight, terrified spasms. "Last night we put a magician in the river," Alan said, his voice low and intense as if he was making a promise."Maybe we should send you to join him." "You know the rules," the woman whispered. "Don't shoot the messenger." Nick interrupted, leaning down to speak in her ear. "Do they say 'Don't cut the messenger in half with your great big sword'? ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor #nick #humor

Talk is cheap. Show me the code. ↗

— Linus Torvalds

#linux #programming #humor

I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little. ↗

— Jeri Smith-Ready

#humor

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun." "Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon] ↗

— Patrice Michelle

#sarcasm #humor

It would, of course, have to look like an accident. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Running into a burning building probably wasn't the smartest move Kenton Lake had ever made. Then again, sadly, it wasn't his dumbest either. ↗

— Cynthia Eden

#humor

What are we doing with him?" Briec asked eagerly. "Are we throwing him out a window? Let's throw him out a window! Or off the roof! ↗

— G.A. Aiken

#sibling-rivalry #humor

One has not lived until one has carried a sixty-pound dog down a sweeping flight of stairs at half-past V in the morning. ↗

— Connie Willis

#humor