#up

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day. ↗

— Dean Martin

#day #feel #getting #going #good

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. ↗

— Dean Martin

#hands #i #once #pat #right

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#busy #characters #could #create #died

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#building #choose #down #elevator #escalator

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#course #had #i #jobs #made

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#computer #cool #forceful #get #help

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#disposal #garbage #i #i do #out

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#because #fun #funny #go #i

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#choice #choosing #enjoyable #fun #like

With a book I am the writer and I am also the director and I'm all of the actors and I'm the special effects guy and the lighting technician: I'm all of that. So if it's good or bad, it's all up to me. ↗

— George R. R. Martin

#am #bad #book #director #effects