#v

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. ↗

— Molly Harper

#grandpa #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #remarried

You are the night." "I am the night," I repeated. "You are the night." I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. "I am the night?" "Jane!" "Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like a curse word? ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny

I am oblivious to the obvious – it is such a vulgar way to characterize things. I have too much subtlety to notice anything beneath my dignity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #obliviousness #obviousness #vulgarity

Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they’ll at least have something to keep them warm after they’ve lost all their money when the company goes under. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #finance #funny

Pops added,"you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve." "And if you do, you never get the results you expected," (Katherine) replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#disappointments #election #elections #false-hope #funny

We may shine, we may shatter, We may be picking up the pieces here on after, We are fragile, we are human, And we are shaped by the light we let through us, We break fast, cause we are glass. We are glass. ↗

— Thompson Square

#hurt #love #love

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#funny #vampire-hunter #funny

You're a big boy, No. You'll figure something out. Just make sure it includes the groveling." -Abby It come to all of us. Especially those of us foolish enough to fall in love with women who have minds of their own. If you will recall, your own sister had a few things she had to forgive me for before we could move on with our relationship." -Rule There's a big difference between a little kidnapping and what he did." -Abby "You did not call it a 'little' anything at the time, sweet. You were furious with me. Believe me, the groveling does do wonders." -Rule ↗

— Christine Warren

#realtionship-problems #forgiveness

Maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones that don't need God as much. ↗

— Joni Eareckson Tada

#independence #pride #weaknesses #love

Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys as Columbus did. On Septemeber 28, 1492, after four weeks at sea, he writes: Dear diary...I means journal. Yes, dear journal. That's what I meant to say. Whew. Anyway, we have yet to discover America, and the crew has become increasingly rebellious. I have decided to turn back if we have not spotted it by Columbus Day. Will write again later if not killed by crew. P.S. Last night's buffet was fabulous, the ice sculptures magnificent. ↗

— Cuthbert Soup

#columbus #columbus-day #diary #discovering #explorers