#vamp

Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #vampire #funny

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #shane-collins #funny

So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #vampire-academy-series #funny

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss. ↗

— Stephen King

#gross #vampire #funny

I never meant it," he was saying. "Never meant it to happen. Can't stand it, seeing her suffer. Must do something, do something... What do I do? What can I do...? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

How is Eric?' 'Very tightly wound. Plus, a lot of stuff happened that he'll tell you about.' 'Thanks for the warning. I'll go to the house now. You're my favorite breather.' 'Oh. Well ... great.' She hung up. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#pam #sookie-stackhouse #vampires #family

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #maniac #psycho #running #vampire

A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #shapeshifter #vampyre #funny

We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

At least you left out the oh-my-God sauce this time." "Made myself a batch with it," Shane said. "It's got the biohazard sticker on it in the fridge, so don't bitch if you get flamed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#chilli #funny #morganville-vampires #funny