#war

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war." "The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#grapes #humor #riffles #war #funny

To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill ↗

— Sun Tzu

#strategy #victory #art

Uh... ," Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration. "I'm kidding," I said. "It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember?" "Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer?" I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. "Well, where do you put your elven magic?" I asked. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#elven-charm #funny #ivy #rachel #funny

I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cowardly #danger #funny #funny

He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren ↗

— Brandon Mull

#centaurs #funny #humor #patton #warren

I mean, we're ninjas." "Well maybe you're a ninja," I said "You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we are both ninjas. ↗

— John Green

#funny #ninjas #funny

I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#future #guns #war #funny

Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#awkward #funny #maureen-johnson #shades-of-london #funny

I'm a librarian in town,' she began. 'You sure about that?' The words popped out before he could stop them. Annabelle raised her eyebrows. 'Fairly. It's my job and so far no one has told me to go away when I show up for work.' smooth, Stryker, he thought, very smooth. 'I was expecting someone wearing glasses. You know. Because librarians read a lot.' The raised eyebrows turned into a frown. 'You need to get out of the barn more. ↗

— Susan Mallery

#awkward-encounters #foot-in-mouth #funny #librarians #shane

The room fell silent. I frankly didn't know what I was going to do to help Eduardo, but I had the sense that he was right- no one else could help him, and without help, all that he'd done would crumble. Plus, I like being called his only hope. I felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi. ↗

— Tod Goldberg

#humor #jedi #leia #spy #star-wars