#z

Dear Ford, I think my Ford Explorer door is broken. It just won’t close. I think this is because I don’t have the rest of the Explorer, I only have the door. It’s a passenger-side door, and I bought it from a passenger. Also, it doesn’t seem to be able to lock. I think the latch isn’t catching, or something. I think it’s missing some crucial parts, and I’d like to order them from you. I need: one frame, four wheels, a body, another door, an engine, a steering wheel, and some of those air fresheners that you stick in the vents. And I’m feeling frisky with my money, so let me go ahead and order some brakes while I’m at it. You can send the bill to the Pizza Hut on San Jose Boulevard. They’ll just deliver it to me, along with the pizza I just ordered. Thank you, Jarod Kintz ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#e-mail #ford #funny #humor #ridiculous

Hey, times are tough, and thirty gold coins can do a lot of good. But I guess you wouldn't know about needing money, since you grew up like a little princ..." (Rapunzel glares) "Prin... soner. I mean, prisoner! A prisoner in a tower, such a shame, that. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#jack #princess #prisoner #rapunzel #revenge

A Strauss waltz becomes so repetitive halfway through, the audience stops listening to it. That's the moment to start waltzing. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #music #waltzing #music

I spent a lot of money of booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. ↗

— George Best

#money #money-management #money

What’s with the zombie craze? Zombies are half alive, half dead, right? Sounds like my wife in bed. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#zombies #change

So it is not an accident that the Nazi lads vent a particular fury against (Einstein). He does truly stand for what they most dislike, the opposite of the blond beast intellectualist, individualist, supernationalist, pacifist, inky, plump... How should they know the glory of the free-ranging intellect and soft objective sympathy to whom money and violence, drink and blood and pomp, mean absolutely nothing? ↗

— John Maynard Keynes

#nazism #money

Ty and Zane are like crack. I could not agree more - they tease your mood with temporary hope and enjoyment only to leave you mentally depleted, confused, and regretting ever trying them and wasting your time and money in the first place - oh, and a bad taste in your mouth. ↗

— Adrian R. Anderson

#money

When a woman didn't enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, requests breakfast and taxi money. In the morning that lady requested breakfast and taxi money. You don't ask for taxi money from somebody who raped you. ↗

— Julius Malema

#chauvinism #jacob-zuma #jacob-zuma-rape-trial #rape #sex

Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missing ↗

— Led Zeppelin

#music #rock #music

I have heard your orators speak on many questions. One among them the so-called vital question of money which is above all things the most coveted commodity but I, as a Hindu, as a Jainist, in the name of my countrymen and of my country, would offer you as the medium of the most perfect exchange between us, henceforth and forever, the indestructible, the unchangeable, the universal currency of good will and peace, and this, my brothers and sisters, is a currency that is not interchangeable with silver and gold, it is a currency of the heart, of the good life, of the highest estate on the earth and it is the currency of heaven. ↗

— Virchand Raghavji Gandhi

#commercialization #currency #earth #exchange #gold