#zo

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave. Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips) ↗

— Graham Parke

#humor #zombie #humor

I am Sa’kagé a lord of shadows. I claim the shadows that the Shadow may not. I am the strong arm of deliverance. I am Shadowstrider. I am the Scales of Justice. I am He-Who-Guards-Unseen. I am Shadowslayer. I am Nameless. The coranti shall not go unpunished. My way is hard but I serve unbroken. In ignobility nobility. In shame honor. In darkness light. I will do justice and love mercy. Until the king returns I shall not lay my burden down.” --(Durzo Blint to Jorses Alkestes, quoted to Skylar at the edge of Ezra's Forest.) ↗

— Brent Weeks

#oath #love

Well I ain't Dr. Phil, but I'm smart," she said. "And your shoes are cuter than his," I said, trying to sound at least semi-normal. "Yeah they remind me of Dorothy's ruby slippers, only mine are wedges 'cause I'm more fashion conscious than she was. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#dr-phil #funny #hidden #house-of-night #kramisha

So you killed him with what now?" "I tried that Dr. Phil book at first"..."And I finished it off with the toilet seat. Just so you know, you left it up again. That drives me crazy. ↗

— Jesse Petersen

#zombies #humor

She's really amazing," Darius said as he gazed lovingly after her. "If by amazing you mean a total pain in the butt, then I'll agree with you. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#zoey #love

I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole. ↗

— Mark Tufo

#tongue #zombie #humor

It's why I get miffed at all the dashing around in recent zombie films. It completely misses the point; transforms the threat to a straightforward physical danger from the zombies themselves, rather than our own inability to avoid them and these films are about us, not them. There's far more meat on the bones of the latter, far more juicy interpretation to get our teeth into. The first zombie is by comparison thin and one dimensional and ironically, it is down to all the exercise. ↗

— Simon Pegg

#humor #memoir #zombies #humor

Alice is fictional. This isn't. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#dark-humor #group-think #groupthink #lady-gaga #mad-magazine

Humanity was a passing notion to him; something he liked to try on for size and model in the dressing room, but never actually felt compelled to buy. ↗

— Jane Bled

#author #dark #ebook #glbt #humor

Beth from accounting is just sitting in her car eating spaghetti. ↗

— Ryan Mecum

#humor #zombies #humor