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President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#book #bush #clinton #deal #get

Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#because #began #crying #fans #finally

The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#canada #canadian #checked #continues #go

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#being funny #funny #life #nightmare #parties

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#error #jersey #livable #margin #most

The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#army #asked #bidding #cheney #competitive

Human nature doesn't include all human beings. There are human beings who are indifferent to politics, religion, virtually anything. ↗

— Conor Cruise O'Brien

#beings #human #human beings #human nature #include

The main thing that endears the United Nations to member governments, and so enables it to survive, is its proven capacity to fail, and to be seen to fail. ↗

— Conor Cruise O'Brien

#enables #endears #fail #governments #main

You can safely appeal to the United Nations in the comfortable certainty that it will let you down. ↗

— Conor Cruise O'Brien

#certainty #comfortable #down #nations #safely

You have to be able to be a good loser. You have to be okay knowing you're going to fail every day in something without getting mad and upset. ↗

— Dan O'Brien

#day #every #every day #fail #getting