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Two farewell gifts," Sadie muttered, "from two gorgeous guys. I hate my life. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #kane #kane-chronicles #romance #sadie

Oh, so now you’re abusing the crippled kid, huh?” Kenji takes a moment to steady himself before punching Adam in the arm. “Save your angst for the battlefield, bro. You’re going to need it. ↗

— Tahereh Mafi

#humor #kenji #humor

Libations are for the gods. Cocktails are for mere mortals. ↗

— Jonathan Kieran

#blogs #books #goodreads #humor #jonathan-kieran

I hope I never smell the smell of apples again!" said Fili. "My tub was full of ut. To smell apples everlastingly when you can scarcely move and are cold and sick with hunger is maddening. I could eat anything in the wide world now for hours on end - but not an apple! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#fantasy #humor #humor

In a town like London there are always plenty of not quite certifiable lunatics walking the streets, and they tend to gravitate towards bookshops, because a bookshop is one of the few places where you can hang about for a long time without spending any money. ↗

— George Orwell

#bookshops #humor #london #lunatics #madness

I remember that story. You have read it four times." Samson shrugged. "Why should I stop with the first reading? Nobody says, 'That was a fine piece of music. I'll never listen to that again." But some people treat books that way. Not I! ↗

— Karen A. Wyle

#funny #humor #reading #funny

Do good, get good; do bad, pay for it. ↗

— Raymond Garvey

#good #hanilol #humor #pay #humor

Stamp: "Fine Maddy, Whatever. Take your little punk loser to the dance. I don't need you, Maddy. I can ask two dozen, three dozen chicks right now to go with me." Maddy: "Well then," I guess you better start stocking up on corsages. ↗

— Rusty Fischer

#maddy #stamp #humor

I try to keep in mind” I recite dryly as I run the front sight of my pistol over his face, “that my life is only as significant, as I am to the lives of others.” He’s sobbing and won’t look up from the floor so I lean close to his ear and ask softly, “Would you say that I’m significant to your life? ↗

— Dennis Sharpe

#dark-humor #torture #humor

Lets ignore our mothers' well-meant advice. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor