#ak

He balled his hand into a fist. "You are such a bitch." "Woof, woof," I said. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #laurell-k-hamilton #richard #funny

Life is funny like that, making us pay for the same stupid mistakes even after we've learned from them thoroughly. ↗

— R.K. Lilley

#mistake #funny

Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts of other components-- plus, the Grimsphere is no place to raise a family, even if woman conceive here." Lex snuck a glance at Driggs, but Uncle Mort caught her. "That doesn't mean you get a free pass to ride the baloney pony when ever you want to. Got it? ↗

— Gina Damico

#funny #sexual #family

That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me. ↗

— Jon Acuff

#christianity #funny #funny

A comedy isn’t about being funny...a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. ↗

— Gary D. Schmidt

#happy-ending #shakespeare #funny

Cake is for the weak,” Mom always says. Funny, I thought it was for birthdays. ↗

— Danielle Joseph

#humor #funny

A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician does his patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant. ↗

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

#does #extravagant #fever #his #ill

I make money using my brains and lose money listening to my heart. But in the long run my books balance pretty well. ↗

— Kate Seredy

#books #brains #heart #i #listening

It is essential that we put an end to steroid abuse and set a better example for aspiring young athletes to follow, so that some day, when they make it in the All Star Game, it will be because of their own natural talents, and not because of a performance enhancing product. ↗

— Jim Sensenbrenner

#aspiring #athletes #because #better #day

Several professional athletes have wrongly taught many young Americans by example that the only way to succeed in sports is to take steroids. ↗

— Jim Sensenbrenner

#example #many #only #professional #professional athletes