#al

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #profitable #selling #steal #funny

We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us. ↗

— John Lancaster Spalding

#disturbed #more #than #threatens #us

Be careful, though." "Aren't I always?" "No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#real #funny

They call me, The Sharkalator ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #gazzy #maximum-ride #name-calling #nicknames

Friendship gives us the strength to turn from lambs into lions. ↗

— Stephen Richards

#friendly #friends #friendship #friendship-and-love #friendship-true-and-loyal

Jem gave her a wistful look. “Must you go? I was rather hoping that you’d stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must.” “I’ll stay,” Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. “I can minister angelically.” “None too convincingly. And you’re not as pretty to look at as Tessa is,” Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared it to gazing at the radiance of the sun.” Jem still had his eyes closed. “If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #jem-carstairs #will-herondale #friendship

If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#late #on-time #promise #punctuality #funny

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#global-hunger #humor #starvation #funny

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake