#ali

Once we get into the groove, we're kind of like long-distance runners - that adrenalin kicks in for me and I just keep running - and I don't stop! ↗

— Keith Urban

#get #groove #i #into #just

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #everlasting #funny #humor #immortality

Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today." I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#bella-swan #funny #new-moon #twilight-saga #funny

Mal snickered. "What's so funny?" "I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him. ↗

— Leigh Bardugo

#funny #mal #funny

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

Being alive means living fully extended. Like Orafoura’s cousin, who is 2.5 inches tall, but has a five-inch penis. You can’t say that’s average, because how many people do you know whose penis is twice as long as they are? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cousin #funny #living #orafoura #penis

I wonder if being sane means disregarding the chaos that is life, pretending only an infinitesimal segment of it is reality. ↗

— Rabih Alameddine

#art

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hector ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #hector #funny

People usually feel funny, smile and laugh when I tell them about my strong belief in the very existence of prehistoric advanced technology and great civilizations of wilier races. I just can't wait to see their faces at time the truth is revealed. ↗

— Toba Beta

#ancient #civilization #mystery #prehistoric #reveal

Americans have an abiding belief in their ability to control reality by purely material means... airline insurance replaces the fear of death with the comforting prospect of cash. ↗

— Cecil Beaton

#airline #belief #cash #comforting #control